Posts Tagged ‘Dressed At Gunpoint’

Dressed At Gunpoint: Louise Redknapp

Image via PA

We accepted long ago that Louise Redknapp’s go-to designer is Stella McCartney and that’s great. Stella makes fabulous clothes. Other designers make fabulous clothes too, but we get that she’s in a groove. We don’t, however, get what she was thinking when she put on this dress.

The dress is from Stella’s Fall 2012 collection and while it’s certainly not the worst dress ever in life, it’s so, so wrong for Louise and her body type. Louis is a petite, curvy woman and this drowns her and makes her look incredibly top heavy. Also, the styling? Girl, no. Those ankle boots make her look about 4’11″ tall and while black and blue is a big trend for fall, it doesn’t make sense here. A silver metallic heel, much like these amaze Nicholas Kirkwood platform slingbacks, would have worked so much better.

Furthermore, could there have been a better occasion for her lovely hair to have been in a top knot or bun to show off her face and the high neckline of the dress? No. See? It could have been salvageable. Maybe. Call us before your next appearance, Louise.

Is there anything that could have saved this look, Kickettes?

 

Sheree Murphy: Dressed At Gunpoint

She was doing so well.

If  a molting Big Bird mated with a rabid German Shepherd would it look like this coat? Sheree Murphy has worn the Isabel Marant fur before, but we’re now quite sure no one can make this work. Especially not with leather jeans and leopard print sneakers. Even if they are Lanvin sneakers.

Can anything save this look? Some showstopping heels perhaps?

Sadly, no. This is just not a look for daytime. This is not really a look for any time. Come back to us Sheree! Walk away from that big, bright bad fashion light!

Wesley Sneijder: Dressed At Gunpoint

Uh, Wes? What’s going on here? Your tweed suit reminds us of every scary English teacher we ever had. That’s not a good thing.

We touched on this over at our mothership, but it needs to be addressed here. While we were very impressed with all the other lad’s ability to look fly in tuxedos at the Ballon D’Or ceremony Monday night, Wesley has given us a bit of a headache.

We don’t even know what to call it. Is it even a matching suit? Is its odd sheen caused by a metallic thread? Does the jacket have a satin collar?

Too many questions, Kickettes. A tuxedo is a simple thing to wear, is it not? While the entire universe might be a tad miffed at FIFA right now, one should at least wear a tie while in the presence of its supreme numpties beings. We fully expect Yolanthe, she of fabulous hair, to get her hubs sorted out post haste.

FC Barcelona: Frightening Footwear

Images via @3gerardpique

The advent of footballers on Twitter has given us both good and bad emotions. They’ve made us laugh, they’ve made us angry, and they’ve made us go, “say whaaaa?”

Barcelona defender/resident hotness Gerard Pique is usually in the “say whaaaa?” category. This week he gave us a special treat by tweeting photos of some truly heinous kicks worn by his teammates.

The leopard print Christian Louboutin sneakers (above) belong to none other than David Villa. We never pegged our favorite bitchfacer as a leopard kicks wearing kind of guy. A DSquared2 belt buckle homie, but, not these. Never these.

These shoes are either hideous or fabulous; there is no middle ground here.

Do you give David credit for wearing something different? Or (like us) wish he would stick to footwear that you can’t pet?

Oh, but wait – it gets better. READ MORE

Dressed At Gunpoint: Sylvie Van Der Vaart

Images: Celebrity Paradise via The Fashion Spot

Quite clearly giddy with excitement at winning our WAG Elite Eleven, Sylvie recently appeared on Menschen, Bilder, Emotionen, dressed as what one of our Kickette staffers termed, a ‘disco elf’. And not the good kind of disco elf either.

Clearly Sylvie’s delight at winning the approval of Kickettes across the globe affected her usual stellar style, leaving her disorientated and at the mercy of a very evil stylist indeed.

Indeed, this was a stylist who thought the best way to punish Sylvie for her inherent fabulosity and all round awesomeness was to dress her in spangled disco shorts Diana Ross herself would put in the charity bin and this Mango “Angry Birds” feathered top.

Sadly, due to this lapse in judgment, we’re going to have to brand Sylvie with the Dressed at Gunpoint stamp. We didn’t want to have to do this, we promise you, but we couldn’t let this rampant abuse of sequins and ill-feathers go unpunished.

Stylists everywhere take note, we are watching. Mess with our fave WAGs at your peril.